The Wizard of Where?
by FluffyWithAGun
Summary: Sasuke takes a drug induced visit to a magical land. Parody of Wizard of oz. Crackfic. Rating for extreme amount of swearing, stupidity, drug reference, violence, and probably a lot more that I can't think of at the moment.


**Author's note**- This is a CRACK fiction. It is meant purely for humor. If it offends you, then you need to go to the store and buy a sense of humor. If you don't think it's funny, do the same, but also go to the fuck yourself store and buy some we don't give a shit. Anything misspelled is probably purposely misspelled. We spellchecked this thing like 3 times, it was a NIGHTMARE. But I'm pretty sure we found all the glitches.  
Also, if any part of the story doesn't make sense, then you're right on track.

Rating is for language. LOTS of bad language. And drug reference and everything else wrong with this story.

Thank you for reading, please review.

**The Wizard of Where?**

Once upon a time, in a little ol' state known as Kansas, there was a boy with duck butt hair. He was a little bitch, and whined and complained about err'thang.

One day, he was drinking from the imaginary river of salsa in front of his house, with his stupid dog Naruto, after snorting some crack that his friend Hidan got for him.

When all the sudden, he lost his balance, and fucking fell in, like a stupid whore.

"Oh noo, that little boy is trippin' balls!" Said a passerby fucking creepy ass snake bitch motherfucker. Word.

He was known to the town as Orochimaru. He was a huge pedophile.

But, alas, he could not rescue his next rape victim, because that nigga got knocked the fuck out.

Orochimaru rubbed his creeper hands together and laughed and evil creeper laugh. Then he fuckin grabbed that bitch and dragged him off to his creeper fucking snakebitch house, full of creepy snakebitches, and shit.

Meanwhile, Sasuke, also known as the duck butt hair bitch, was seriously tripping balls. His tripping landed him in a wonderful land that he'd never seen before.

Underneath him came a moan, and he realized that he fuckin landed on someone.

His drugged up bitch mind immediately thought for some weird fucking reason that this person was obviously trying to kill him, being underneath him and all. So, he picked up a lead pipe that mysteriously landed beside him, for plot convenience, and proceeded to beat the living fuck out of that nigga, screaming like the little whore he is the entire time. There was blood everywhere.

_EVERYWHERE._

When all of a sudden a rafter, that's a flock of turkeys for you dumbasses that don't fucking know, came all up around his body, and said. "He ded bro. He ded."

And Sasuke was like, "You bitches, that ain't how you spell dead."

And they slapped the piss out of him.

Then they picked him up with their little turkey wings and carried him to the middle of their turkey village, exclaiming, "The wicked witch of the East is DED!"

Sasuke face palmed, because they're so dum. Lol.

They proceed to drop his little bitch ass in the middle of the town. Then a mysterious figure rises from the fucking ground, like a boss, not really. He had weird leaf thingies all up on his head.

Sasuke was like, shit bro. And slapped him.

Then the mysteriously mysterious man spoke, in a super high-pitched helium voice. "You little buttfucker, I'm the mayor of this here little turkey town. They think I'm their mommy." Then all the little turkeys cuddled all up on his ankles and shit, gobbling their asses off. "Anywhosen, Yea, I'm the fuckin mayor and I just wanna congratulate your silly little ass for killing Kabuto, the wicked witch of the East. He was all like, coming up here and taking my turkeys and fucking doing experiments and shit on 'em. It was god damn annoying. Fuck."

Sasuke clapped his hands for himself, cause all the turkeys had wings, and couldn't really fucking clap.

So Zetsu, a.k.a. the mayor, put a fucking medal around his bitchy little neck, and then slapped him. Because he was still pissed that that little duck butt hair motherfucker slapped him.

And Sasuke was happy. So he danced around like a slut. Shaking his little ass and shit.

The turkeys got boners.

THEN! SUDDENLY!

SOMETHING HAPPENED.

And it was... THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WESTTTTTTTT!

He came all flying by and shit, on a broom. And he was like, "HEY! You bitch. You fucking killed my first child rape victim. NOT COOL!" And then he landed next to Sasuke, and looked him up and down and was like DAYUUMM!

Sasuke was all weirded out, and stopped dancing.

The witch introduced himself as Orochimaru, the most pedophilic pedophile in the west. Then he went over to Kabuto's dead bloody corpse, and tried to take off the ruby red stiletto fuck me shoes he was wearing that no one else even fucking noticed.

BUT HE COULDN'T!

Because, they like, disappeared. And shit.

And Orochichimaru got PISSED. And he was like, "You fucking hoe. I'll be back for your little sexy ass, my pretty." And he fuckin flew away!

And err'body was like, WTF mate?

And then a fucking little pink bubble of happiness floated into view, with magical music and glitter. And Sasuke punched it, with his face, because that little slut thought err'body was out to kill his fucking shit.

So, the bubble popped and out fucking fell a blonde haired magical girly man, in a big fluffy pink dress, with a tiara. And the girly man got up, brushed his magical girly man hair back, and spoke!

"Bro. That was rude."

And Sasuke stuck out his tongue, and flipped him off. But the fairy man lady just smiled, and curtseyed.

"Greetings young bitchface. I'm the good witch of the North. I brought you a motherfucking gift. Even though I have no idea who you are or what you're doing in my world."

And he waved his magical fairy wand of magicalness and the ruby red stiletto fuck me shoes poofed onto Sasuke's feets. And Sasuke was like, "Damn, them's is hot."

And the magical girly man nodded. "My name is Deidara. If you ever need help on your quest, just call me."

"But how do I call you?" The dumb fucking duck butt asked.

"Just rip a really fucking massive fart." Said Deidara.

And he blew another magical pink bubble of awesomeness and glitter and shit and flew away.

And then Sasuke was like. "Wait. What fucking quest?"

So he farted a fart of death and destruction, and Deidara came back.

"What the fuck you little shit, I just fucking left."

And Sasuke flipped him off again, and asked. "What is my quest, fair maiden?"

Deidara fucking slapped that dumb hoe, and ...slapped him again. "I'm a man, first of all, un. Second of all, you gots to like, go kill that creeper motherfucker wicked witch of the West. Cause people are bout fucking sick of him raping err'body." Then Deidara kicked him in the dick, and disappeared again.

Then Zetsu stepped forward.

"Nigga."

That was all he said, for like, an hour. And they all just stood there waiting for him to say more shit.

Finally, he did.

"To kill that fucker, you gotta go find the wizard. Cause you're little bitchass can't do that shit alone. He'll just rape you... to death."

Sasuke nodded, because this was true.

"So, follow this awesome yellow brick road over here and that'll take you to the Emerald city. Now. Get the fuck out."

Then he punched that bitch in his bitch face and went back in the ground doing who the fuck knows what.

SO!

Sasuke was all walking down the yellow brick road with his ruby red fuck me shoes on, and notices a dark, menacing figure standing out in the middle of a field. So he decided, he better go check dat shit out yo. Cause that's what you do when you see something scary-looking, you go toward it.

So he skipped right up to that dark figure and was like, "HEY! Whutchoo doin?"

And the thingy, swiftly turned, glaring at Sasuke with some red-ass fucking scary-ass fucking eyes.

And Sasuke was like, "Itachi? What the fuck are you doing here?"

And Itachi put his arms down, because he was all holding them up and shit, and turned to his brother. "Just chillin with my raven friends bro. What the fuck you doin? And what's up with your shoes?"

And Sasuke fucking stuck his tongue out, and tried to slap him, but Itachi's a beast and fucking flipped backward and kicked him in the face.

So Sasuke cried for like five minutes, then spoke. "Don't talk shit on my shoes when you're out here in a field being a wierdass, and wearing overalls. Who the fuck wears overalls anymore? And is that fucking hay sticking out?"

Itachi just kicked him in the face again and started walking back to the yellow brick road. Sasuke followed him.

"Little brother, I'm the scarecrow, don't be stupid. Don't talk shit on my clothes, or I'll kill you. For serious."

So Sasuke didn't say shit about his clothes, because his face hurt, from getting kicked.

"Are we going to go see the wizard? Cause I need me a real man. The last one drowned in a river."

And Sasuke was all fucking like, "Damn."

So they kept right the fuck on walking.

UNTIL!

!

!

They came upon a forest of wonderfulness. It was just beautiful.

And then they heard screams. So they were like, fuck! And went to check it out.

Because, again, when you hear screams in the forest, you go toward them.

So they came upon a clearing. And in that clearing, was something. Something bloody and vicious. And scary.

So the brothers looked at each other, and Itachi, being the badass that he is, said. "Imma go fuck that bitch up."

Then he proceeded onward to fuck that bitch up, before realizing it was actually, a dude, killing another dude.

And the first dude, who was killing the other dude, was swearing like a sailor. Upon coming closer, Itachi noticed that the other dude was pretty much fucking dead already. There was a large weapon sticking out of his forehead, which the other dude was trying uselessly to pull loose, with one foot on the guys face and shit. You know, like that.

"SON OF A WHORE BITCH FUCKING ASSHOLE LICKING TIT CHEWING FUCKMONKEY!" The dude said.

Itachi came up to him and was like, "Hey."

And the dude looked at him, and he looked at the dude, and they were just like... fucking staring at each other for like, 6 days.

Finally, Itachi said, "What the fuck are you doing? That shit smells like shit." Referring to the corpse.

Then the dude fucking looked down, remembering what he was doing finally. "Oh, I killed this guy, but my scythe is so old and dull and shit, I can't get it out of his head."

And Itachi looked down at it too. He held up his finger to the dude, turned to the side, and violently vomited onto the forest floor. Then he turned back to him.

"That... that just smells horrible. But uh, HEY! I have an idea. We're going to see the fucking wizard, you wanna come? You can like, wish for a new scythe and shit."

And the guy, who had silver hair and purpley eyeballs, was like, "Kay."

So he totally ditched the scythe and skipped merrily back to Itachi's brother, who was passed the fuck out, cause they had been out there for fucking days.

Itachi kicked him, in the face, and was like, "Let's go motherfucker."

And Sasuke jumped up, and looked at the new guy, and was like. "Hey." And he sexily dropped his sleeve down over his shoulder.

And the new guy kicked him in the balls.

"My name's Hidan. And you must be the magical fuckface bitchslutwhore that I've been hearing about."

And Itachi nodded, randomly.

"How do you know who I am?" Sasuke asked.

"Cause, you're obviously a bitch. And you're wearing them fugly-ass shoes."

And Sasuke started crying. But Itachi stopped him by messing up his hair. And Sasuke squealed like a bitch and fixed it.

Then, they started walking again.

So they continued on walking, and the forest grew thicker and thicker into some deep, darkass woods, where creepy child-like giggles echoed around and shit. Hidan kept stepping on the back of Sasuke's fuck me shoes, and making him trip, and Sasuke was getting pissed. So he turned around and was like, "Bitch! You wanna fight me bitch?!" And Hidan punched him in the face, and knocked him right the fuck out.

So Itachi had to carry him, in his overalls, like a kangaroo.

Then, they heard rustling in the bushes nearby. Hidan suddenly screamed like a maniac and charged into the bush, waving his hands wildly. Itachi just looked after him like, WTF. And then there was a high-pitched squeal, and Hidan came back out of the bushes carrying some fucking bitch dressed like a lion. He threw him down onto the road, and kicked him in the asshole.

"Who the fuck is that?" Itachi asked.

"I dunno, some weirdass guy that's been stalking us for probably like 4 miles or something fucking gay like that. Shut up. I hate you."

"BUT HIDA!" Itachi exclaimed. "We traded best friend necklaces."

And Hidan was like, "Oh yea. Just kidding, I love your silly ass. We're be eff eff eff eff eff's"

Itachi looked at him all confused and shit. So Hidan explained, "Best fucking friends for fucking forever."

"Oh." Said Itachi, then he kicked the lion man in the testicles.

And the man jumped up, screaming in pain, flapping his arms like a bird.

"Owchie! You big meanies. Tobi was just following you to the wizard, cause me no know where he live."

They both just stared at that lion bitch. He was obviously a dumbass. So they both slapped him.

He yelled again, and they just turned around and started walking again, the lion man who referred to himself as Tobi in tow.

So they continued skipping along fucking merrily to the Emerald city. But as they came out of the forest into a flowery magical field of wonderfulness, Orochimaru suddenly flew his bitch ass into sight, writing a very rude letter in the sky.

It was the letter Q.

And the group of friends were totally offended.

Then he flew down to where they were, and he was all, "If you don't give up now and give me that little boy and his fuck me shoes, Imma have to bust a cap up in your asses."

But they were like, "HELL NAW!" and Itachi roundhoused his ass, right in the face. Which is pretty amazing since he was still carrying Sasuke around in his kangaroo pouch. Tobi just hissed at him, like a dumbass.

So Orochimaru flew away, and they continued on to the Emerald City.

Which, coincidentally, actually was Green.

And as they got closer and closer, it started to smell more and more like dankass weed. Then they realized, the whole fucking town was made...of...

MARIJUANA!

"SHIT!" They all exclaimed, waking Sasuke from his slumber. He was all fucking pissed off and grumpy like a little two-year-old or something. And he wiggled out of Itachi's pouch.

So they walked up to the door and knocked really fucking loud. And a little hole opened up, and out peek a redheaded, eyeliner wearing fuck.

"Who goes there?" He whispered, pot smoke filtering through the hole, hitting Hidan in the face. He was instantly high as fuck. Cause that was some goodass weed yo.

"Why the fuck are you whispering?" Said Sasuke.

"I'm just... I'm just so high." Said the doorman.

"What's your name?" Itachi asked.

"Why you asking? Who the fuck are you? Are you fucking cops? Go the fuck away! WE'RE NOT SMOKING POT!" And he slammed the little doorhole shut.

So they had to fucking knock again.

And out popped that little fuck again.

"Who goes there?" He said, speaking normally this time.

"We do. Fucking open up." Hidan said. "We're here to see the wizard."

"NO ONE SEES THE WIZARD BITCHES!" The doorman squawked, like a damn penguin.

"God dammit Gaara just open the fucking door." Itachi said, getting that little mad twitchy symbol on his head that kind of looks like #.

"How do you know my naaaamee!?" The doorman cried, spazing around.

"Just open up." Itachi said, that pound symbol getting even bigger and twitchier.

"First, I need some..." Gaara took a deep breath, and held his hand out like a claw. "Jeeellyy beannnzzz."

"I'll show you jelly beans you little fuck." Hidan said. But, instead of beating the fuck out of him, like you all totally thought he was gonna do, he pulled some jellybeans out of his pocket that he always randomly carried around with him for situations just like this, and threw them at Gaara's face.

So, that red-headed makeup wearing nigga opened up the big huge massive doors and beckoned them inside. Then he took them to see the wizard, who was sitting in a big huge throne making out with the Good witch of the north.

"What the fuck are you doing here Deidara!?" Sasuke exclaimed, putting his hands to his cheeks in surprise.

Deidara quickly turned around, wiping his mouth off and looked around the room for somewhere to hide, and dove behind some nearby random fucking curtains.

"What a bitch." Hidan said, stoned out of his mind.

Then the Wizard, another redhead, raised his arm and saluted the brave travelers.

"Ahoy maties! What bringest thou here to my kingdom of Greeeeeen?"

"Tobi wants a lollipop!" Tobi exclaimed.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LIONASS BITCH OF A TURD EATING FUCKHEAD!" Hidan yelled, slapping him repeatedly across the face.

"Nooo can do bitches. I, Sasori, wizard of wherever the fuck we are, have run out of magic green stuff to fuel my special powers."

"Dude, what the fuck. This whole kingdom is made of weed!" Sasuke said, not being a dumb bitch for once.

"Nope. Nope. That won't work. Nope. You have to go get some more from the wicked witch of the west." Sasori said, lighting up a blunt.

"DUDE! You're smoking one right now!" Itachi yelled.

"Yea, but this isn't the magic kind, it's just regular."

"Okay," Itachi said, clapping his hands together. "Lemme get this straight. We have to go to the child raping snake guys house to get you magical weed that could grant our wishes, even though we're surrounded by it? Just.. just so I know for sure."

"Uh.. yea that sounds about right." Sasori said, and flicked his doobie at Itachi.

Itachi caught it, smoked it all in one breath, and turned to leave, dragging Sasuke and Hidan along with him.

Tobi died from getting too high and ripping off his own skin, so he just stayed there.

So they left the Emerald City made of weed and magical unicorn mayonnaise, to go get more magic weed so that selfish stoner puppet with a wooden dildo dick could grant their fucking wishes and they could get out of this fucked up story.

So, as they traveled onward on their journey, they realized that they needed one more person, because that's just how the parody works. So they walked out into a giant gaping hole in the earth, and came across a spikey white-haired masked man who was, kind of just fucking standing there. But upon coming closer, they noticed he was actually reading, and upon coming even closer, they noticed it was porn. Gay porn.

"Hey bro." Hidan said. "We're on a fucking adventure to get some fucking magic weed for the Wizard of the Emerald City so they can do some shit and make some other shit happen or something like that." He turned to Itachi. "Right?"

Itachi nodded. "Something like that."

So Hidan turned back to the strange man and stared expectantly. "Wanna come?"

The guy just kinda stared at them for like... 3 or 4 hours, then gave them a thumbs up and put the book in his pocket, which was apparently big enough to fit a book in.

So they continued on, singing merry melodies and playing 'I spy' to pass the time, until finally they came upon a creepy fucking house emitting an odor so foul that they all threw up like 30 times and then had to magically conjure clothespins to put on their noses. How they even found the house is a mystery because we don't think we ever mentioned them getting a map or anything.

So anyway, they went into the house and fucked shit up until they found the weed. And they were about to leave until the creepy motherfucking douchebag fucking snakebitchasswhore showed up, and they were all like, "Fuck."

And he's like, "OH, how nice of you to bring me my next rape victim instead of me having to come get him."

And Sasuke stepped forward, and he was all snapping his fingers in a Z formation, saying. "Bitch, do NOT make me snap a fifth time."

And Orochimaru was just so confused that he shit his pants.

So Hidan randomly picked up a bucket of what he thought was water, and threw it on him, because this house did NOT need any more fucking stank.

Orochimaru screamed like a dyeing cow, "THAT'S ACID YOU FUCK!"

And Hidan just shrugged, "Well maybe you should leave that shit sitting around like that. Douche."

Then Sasuke ran up and kicked him in his melting face and told him to hurry up and die so he could go home.

So Orochimaru melted, but not before sicking his pet monkies on them which all had orange hair and piercings _everywhere_. It was just... so unattractive. Like, there were like 6 of these fucking monkies, it was just like a giant orgy of piercings and orange monkey hair.

So Itachi fucking Tsukiyomi'd them bitches, cause explaining a huge fight scene just takes too long and he's just that much of an awesome.

Then they all just kind of exploded.

So the group of random strangers left the bloody, gory, stinky house with the magical weed and no pants romance danced their way back to the Emerald City.

So, after fucking giving Gaara more god damn jellybeans, which Hidan ran out of so they had to go on another completely unrelated quest for, they went and gave Sasori his stupid fucking magic weed.

He smoked it, it took like 5 years. Apparently it's really slow burning shit. So they all joined in to help. Then, when he was finally ready to grant their wishes, they were all to stoned to remember what they wanted. So they had to go on yet another completely unrelated quest to get some munchies.

They slowly filtered back into the room, each carrying their respective munchies in their hands, and sat in a circle.

"So uh. Why were you guys here again?" Sasori asked, munching on some cheese-its.

"Uhhhhh... I don't even remember." Kakashi snickered, balls deep in a giant ass bag of bugels.

"We need you to grant our wishes bitchface." Itachi said.

"Wait, Deidara said I just had to kill the wicked witch. Which we already did." Sasuke said between bites of his jelly doughnut.

"Deidara's a dumb blonde who likes to run around pretending he's a fairy, you shouldn't listen to him, ever." Said Sasori, eyeing the curtain that Deidara was still hiding behind, after 5 years. "Anyway, what the fuck are your wishes?"

"Uh, I just want some more porno. Gay porno." Said Kakashi, who was dangerously close to drowning in his bugles.

So Sasori clapped his little wooden hands together, and five enormous stacks of Yaoi books fell into the bag of bugles, thus drowning his dumb little face.

Everyone laughed what a douche.

"I need a new fucking badass scythe that won't ever break or get dull." Hidan said, chomping on some candy corn.

Sasori got up and did a backflip, for no reason, then set back down and clapped his hands again, and a fucking badass triple bladed scythe, ((Yea, That's EXACTLY how he got it.)) appeared in his hands. Hidan stood up, admiring it, then held it up in the air and screamed his little bitch face off. "This...is... AWEEESOOOMMEE!" And he suddenly exploded through the roof, leaving a gaping hole, and a lot of confused ass bitches.

"Anyway. What do you bitches want?" Sasori said to the brothers.

Itachi stood up drinking a slimfast, because he was on a diet, and snapped his fingers and stuck out his hip. "Girl, I need me a real man, who won't drown in any fucking rivers."

"Uh, okay, I'm a dude, but sure." Sasori clapped his hands and a giant poof of blue smoke appeared. When it cleared, a big blue shark man, naked except for a fig leaf covering his no-no area, was standing there. He looked at Itachi and made some weirdass retarded squirrel hiss, and ran over and picked him up and carried from the building.

"NII-SAN! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!" Sasuke screamed, forlorn.

"It's cool Sasuke, I can grant your wish to return you home."

Sasuke thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. "Fuck that noise. I need me a new asshole. This one's so loose I have to wear a diaper. You know how hard it is to get laid with a diaper on?"

Sasori just looked at him.

Like seriously, what the fuck?

"You need to go to a doctor for that. I'll just poof you home and you just... just go to a doctor bro."

Sasuke started throwing a tantrum because he wanted a new asshole and he wanted it NOW. But Sasori was like, fuck that little bitch, and clapped his hands.

Sasuke disappeared in a puff of shit colored smoke.

Sasuke awoke in his bed. Itachi was leaning over him holding his hand, fake-crying, because he's fucking sensitive like that.

"Sasuke, I was so worried! I saved you from that fucking snake bitches house! I thought you were dead!"

Sasuke sat up, and looked around the room.

"I had the weirdest dream." He looked at Itachi. "You were there."

And he looked at Hidan, Tobi, and Kakashi. "And you were there."

He looked at Sasori and Deidara. "You were there too!"

And then he looked at the strange blue man who was also in the room.

"I don't even fucking know you, but you were there too."

Then Sasuke had to lie back down, because Itachi announced that the blue man was his new Brother-in-law.

He was very tired, even though he'd just woken up from a deep, drug induced coma.

"'Tachi, do me a favor." He sleepily looked over to his brother.

"Anything for you, Little brother." Itachi said, leaning closer.

"...Could you call a doctor?"

Disclaimer: We own NOTHING. If any dumb bitch out there thinks we own any Naruto characters OR the Wizard of Oz plot, they be fuckin' stupid.

Author's note!

So, yea. We've been wanting to do this shit for like a year now. Just never got around to it. To those of you who've read our previous stories and noticed all the references via our special form of wording. Congratulations. You won the game.

You get cookies, all you have to do is go to the store and buy some.

Also, the only characters that we hate are obviously Kabuto and Orochimaru. To any of them referenced to as bitches and whatnot, it was only for humors sake.

So, read and review.

We love you.

BAIBAI!

Senserr'ly~

Fluffy, and Wierdo.


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